jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
