I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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