Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
