who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
