3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
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The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
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I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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