turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
