how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
