Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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