HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
