If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
