Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
