video games are the ultimate cock blocker
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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