I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
there is glitter all over my balls
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