getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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