i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
