She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
