Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize