Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
