we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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