there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
