For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
