I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
