There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
