I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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