i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
