Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
