I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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