Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
