I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
