Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
