I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
