wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
