he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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