Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
