"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
