Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
