Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you never un-have a 4some
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
