The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
