I wanna passion pit in your ass
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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