I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
