Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
