Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
we have officially lost it.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
