you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
