Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
