I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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