i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize