So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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