i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
