I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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