I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
