I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
