I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
