I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Less talking, more tequila
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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