last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
