It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
