Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
