Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
