Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I have aggressive nipples.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
