I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
