Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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