Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
